Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
段子集合很好笑，在这届年轻人眼里人到中年和工作就是生活之重了，写出了一个sitcom版本的理想梧桐区
不知道，大家看了有没有一种冬天坐上了一个热马桶的感觉？就场景太熟了，熟到有点恶心，但又被搬到了荧幕上，你也很困惑到底是谁把马桶坐热了的，又没太放在心上。
正常情况下来说，我是极其憎恶在电影放映时交谈的，但在一个几乎满座的场次里，绝大部分都是上了年纪的本地阿姨爷叔，并且用上海话低声讨论剧情和笑评，倒反而有了点趣味。三个女演员太灵了，各有各的风华。虽然每个角色都各有各的拧巴，但是演员们表演得自然流畅收放自如。小真实和小浮夸水乳交融。这群人的每场聚餐戏都可爱极了，倪虹洁和马伊琍在画廊的剪影scene也是好看。前一个小时的节奏、结构和台本都很满意，但是后一个小时（尤其是最后40分钟）没兜住，节奏和剧情都松散，尤其是最后的强行升华反而扫了兴。总的来说，瑕不掩瑜咯~
不能欺负woody allen不能发话随便一部叨逼叨逼都说像woody allen吧，女性发声的编导片为什么找个男主演非常奇怪
我们的观点其实并不重要，重要的是陪伴和没有戳穿下的我愿意为你做的一切。片中大量的直接面对各种社会议题，感情外貌性别婚姻亲友，这些近在咫尺的都被讨论到，导演用人物去经历一切。好友的索菲亚罗兰到底是不是真的重要吗？或许重要的是你愿意相信与否。音乐使用可以再节制一些。呈现了一群女性影像，个个都丰满自然真实，过得有自己的样子。
3.5. Neither a masterpiece of realism nor a disastrous, complete sham, this film is roughly as good (or as bad) as a mid-tier Rob Reiner/Norah Efron rom-com. The real question is whether we could still afford to enjoy such a film innocently in this day and age.
真太灵了，如果中年能过上这么有趣的生活谁还会害怕变老。看完后短暂变成精沪_(:з」∠)_
太好看了，完全是有格调懂上海的人才拍得出来的上海！没有一个人不灵！没有一个人演得不好！！最喜欢野芒演的老乌，不愧话剧届扛把子！大家快去看！太值了！
上海话成为粤语之外第二喜欢的方言，嗲的浑然天成，嬉笑怒骂都有一股别样风情，这样想想选择去上海工作说不定也会有一些不一样的体验。
有了资本和地位以后，在中国这个商业化严重的市场中也能拍点自己想拍的。就值得多一星。电影的整体感觉就是差点意思，但又觉得难能可贵。影片最触动我的是，所有主要角色，都没有大名。敬我们的白老师，李小姐，格格瑞亚，老乌。
3.5. Neither a masterpiece of realism nor a disastrous, complete sham, this film is roughly as good (or as bad) as a mid-tier Rob Reiner/Norah Efron rom-com. The real question is whether we could still afford to enjoy such a film innocently in this day and age.
超级好评，如果年轻人的爱情是传说，中年人的爱情真的是神话，人生在世，经历了那么多，被生活锻造得刀枪不入之后，依然相信爱情，在琐碎生活中生长出的爱情，是包容，是吸引，也是勇气。
映后看了一个采访导演
摩登和复古的绝妙融合 好久没觉得上海是一座这么好的城市了
还有红拂夜奔护手霜之类的细节也值得玩味。太棒了！为导演点赞！
一部很有格调的喜剧，既接地气儿，又有品位，街头的老鞋匠都说出哲理满满的话语。几个女人一台戏好看。特别是画廊那一段，简直惊艳。说到与大明星的相遇，突然想起以前一个朋友说过他在巴黎的咖啡馆打工遇到过女神苏菲玛索去喝咖啡，有合影，真的很浪漫。平淡的生活有滋有味儿有腔调。氛围，摄影，包括感觉都太喜欢了，一句话蛮灵光的。特别是上海话，好听！
我猜一定很多人会给低分，我是真喜欢这种电影，看起来很轻松， 已经不会考虑剧情和演技的问题，因为这就是生活，最后还自己吐槽自己！
感謝五姐空投的母語慰問，暖~ 隻369擁有靈魂！索菲亞羅蘭曉得伊自家勿清白了伐？
非常喜欢老乌这个角色，一位老克勒的不符合年龄的荒诞浪漫主义，充斥着天真纯洁光怪陆离的幻想的爱情，以及对艺术的顽固的执着。他格格不入地混入了这个无比真实的现实社会，最后以近乎“殉情”的方式结束一生，死后还得知他的房子居然是匿名人士提供其免费居住的，关于他的一切都如此荒诞神秘奇妙无比，真真假假假假真真，已不重要。
观感全程轻松惬意，市井气息和小资情调相得益彰，对白处处彰显生活的精髓和真谛，几段人物关系和情感也相当深刻铭心，还有方言魅力的加成，不愧为年度惊喜。
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